I've heard parenting described as walking around with your heart outside of your chest. When you're the parent of a diabetic child, your heart might be outside your chest, but it's also locked up tight in a protective box with waterproof tape strapping it tightly in place. Perhaps it lives on your sleeve, perhaps tucked under your shirt in some inconspicuous place. You can feel it beating there at all times, but you have to be ever so careful to make sure nothing happens to it. You spend all of your days, whether consciously or unconsciously, doing the right things to keep your heart safe and healthy.
Sunday I cut the waterproof tape, opened the box, and left my heart at a YMCA camp three hours away. Yep. It's her first trip to diabetes camp. 180 lucky kiddos cut loose from the ties that bind them for an entire week, getting to know each other and bonding through the frustrations they share. I left her there, with broken casted wrist and non-functioning pancreas, to capable and amazing staffers who know just what she needs. I'm sure my heart will leap with joy all week, and touch the hearts of others in ways I can only imagine. But I'll likely feel a bit hollow until she returns.
I'll probably miss 30-50 blood sugar checks, several pump infusion set changes (no need to hold her hand when the needle pops in?), hundreds of carbohydrates counted, high and low blood sugars corrected, and have six consecutive nights of sleep without checking to make sure she's stable first. What will I do with myself? If I seem a little lost......you might want to distract me. Looks like I'll need lots of bike time to get me through! :)
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